I might be crazy........

I saw a recent news report about illegal immigration INTO Mexico.

My first thought was, wow that female reporter has a nice body.....

My second thought was that they must have made a mistake in the title. Illegal Immigration into Mexico? From where? From the United States? If it is from the U.S., isn't that called being a tourist? Last time I checked, being a tourist wasn't illegal ....... except in Hawaii - I'll tell you why in another story.

Anyway, it was about illegal immigration into Mexico from Guatemala. What I found hypocritical was that Mexico has been pressuring the U.S. to treat their illegal immigrants with humanity and dignity if caught on the U.S. side, but the Mexican government does not treat the Guatemalan illegals the same way. If captured they are thrown into "holding facilities" which are actually prison complexes with squalid conditions. On the positive side one could argue that these facilities are comparable to the poorer areas of Mexico City.

But, how would they like it if we shoved all the illegals crossing our border into our poorer areas like San Bernadino or East L.A. or ......... oh wait, they're already there, aren't they .....

Well, thats beside the point! A lot of the Guatemalan illegals face other dangers like roving gangs or being killed by the trains they try to hop on to.

What ever happened to "Do onto others as you would wish them do onto you". Or in Spanish ...... well, I don't know Spanish but I'm sure it would have the same meaning ..... I know in British it would be "Do onto others as you would wish them do onto you, mate"

Its sad really ...... but, yeah, on the very positive side, that female reporter had a nice body ....

This is a little segment I like to call "A FUNNY MOMENT AT WORK".

Oh, by the way, why don't you go and read another of your "God doesn't exist" book - Nancy!

Anyway one day over the office intercom this message was announced -

"If anyone here owns a blue vulva, your lights are on. Again, that's a blue vulva and your lights are on."

and thats been "A FUNNY MOMENT AT WORK"

I overheard a comment a while back about the Chinese. Well, it was about their language. A word could have several meanings depending on how you pronounce it and where your inflections are.

Another coworker ...... okay it was Wendy (if you know her you'd think "that figures") commented by saying that the Chinese are just being lazy.

"Lazy" indeed ........

Well, who could blame them. After building the Great Wall, I'm guessing you might want to make the rest of your daily life a bit easier.....

By the way the Great Wall of China is so "great" that it can be seen from anywhere in the world ...... wow.

I went to Paris some years ago while in college with a bunch of college friends. By the way, thats the best way to travel around Europe, with your buddies. I don't remember much of the historic sites we visited, but I do remember all the fun crap we did. Like the time we were chased by French police ..... well, that's another story.

Anyway, we met these American girls who absolutely loved the "French" scene. I had no idea what that meant. So they invited us to find out. As a guy in my 20s at that time I'm expecting, well .. you know - sex .... or at least some female nudity. Anyway, it seems the "French scene" to her was hanging out at a cafe and watching the world go by. If you haven't been to Paris all the chairs in the outdoor eating areas are faced towards the street.

No nudity, no sex .... just watching cars go by honking at each other.

So that's the French scene. Watching things go by. I guess thats what they did in WWII when the Nazis marched into Paris freely........... ouch.

This is the first of an ongoing "segment" (well, until I get laid off from the production I'm currently on) I like to call SAMMY LIU NEWS.

Here's some background info about Sam if you don't know who he is - he's Chinese.

Anyway, while I was talking to Sam today he came up with a new phrase called "twisty words".

When saying "I don't believe you" or "You're lying" doesn't get your point across, try using the somewhat vague but sugary coated phrase, "twisty words". Nothing says you're a liar, but please still be my friend than the phrase "twisty words".

innovator ...... master "phraser" ......Chinese ........ Sam Liu

We were talking about the sport of ultimate fighting at lunch and I came up with a couple of "ultimate" techniques.

The first one I formerly called the "octopus", but now I'm calling it the "jellyfish" because I feel the jellyfish strikes more fear in people, yeah.

What you do is "attach" yourself to your opponent using all four limbs and start squeezing. You may wonder why not call it the "anaconda" or another type of constrictor, but you'd most likely run into a jellyfish than a type of constrictor. But if the opposite is true, where the hell are you living in the U.S.?

Regardless, I call this position the classic "leg humping" position, but without the humping motion. You could do the humping motion, but the sport has had an unfortunate label of being a bit gay, and we don't want to justify those remarks. Anyway, try attaching yourself to your opponents head, preferably. Thats like the "sweet" spot. Once you render his head useless, lets see him try to continue. Next stop: the winners circle......

The other technique, I call the "morning star". Usually its done when you've found yourself in an uncompromising position. What you do is start flailing about uncontrollably. When you're doing that its harder for your opponent to grab a hold of a limb to submit you and it keeps them at bay. If they try to shoot in, they could get a taste of one of four limbs or all four at the same time. Once you connect or even if he's unsure what to do next, its the perfect time to slap on, yeah you know it - the dreaded "jellyfish". Where the only cure is your hand raised in victory ....

There you have it. Winning techniques, yeah.

They haven't actually been tested, but you have to admit the theory behind them is very sound.

I'm not a fan of the World Cup or the sport of soccer because, well, I'm an American. I've heard soccer is the worlds most popular sport. Not in my world. Thats because my world has stars and stripes in it! I could go into all the nuances that make American sports better than foreign sports but I'm too lazy to do any of the research (hey, another red, white and blue trait)to identify these nuances. Also, in doing research I might contradict myself and I can't have that happen. The universe might implode.

My main argument is that God gave us hands and feet, and in a sport where only the feet are allowed during play is ... well .... a step back in evolution. Several steps actually. Millions of years of natural selection and evolution rendered uselss in one sport. Its almost like female boxing.......

Well, I'm going to use our opposable thumb, matter of fact, I'm going to use our opposable middle finger to!

Hi.....I'm an artist working in animation which means I draw pretty pictures for a living. Not the hot fantasy babes some of my colleagues seem to be experts at doing ...... in fact, they're really good at it ...... you know, it might be some deviant behavior not yet recognized by the psychiatric community as a "gateway drug" to pedophilia ...... although I admit, I kinda wish I could draw those babes as well as they do. No, my drawings are the sort where you look at them and then forget it in the next minute......kinda like animation deadlines.....

So as an artist what better way to share my artistic ability and talent than by posting my thoughts ...... thoughts that hopefully don't lead you to think that - I might be crazy.